Political SPAM


Wherein I trash a pro-Bush, pro-war speech sent to me through the wonders of spam. I used the subject line of the original message for the lead-in to this article.

First of all it’s CHORD not CORD, duh.

Attached is a copy of Alabama State Auditor Beth Chapman’s speech, which resulted in five standing ovations, tremendous applause and an encore.

An encore speech?

It’s a short read and well worth it.

Stand Up for America Rally Speech
By: Beth Chapman

I’m here tonight because men and women of the United States military have given their lives for my freedom. I am not here tonight because Sheryl Crowe, Rosie O’Donnell, Martin Sheen, George Clooney, Jane Fonda or Phil Donahue sacrificed their lives for me.

Or maybe you’re there because your mom and dad did it in the backseat at a drive-in movie. And they forgot to use a condom and couldn’t get an abortion. (Sorry about the insults but all will become clear as you read on.)

If my memory serves me correctly, it was not movie stars or musicians, but the United States Military who fought on the shores of Iwo Jima, the jungles of Vietnam, and the beaches of Normandy.

She remembers Iwo-Jima? Or is she remembering a history course in junior high? I seem to remember some musicians and actors did go and fight in WWII.

Tonight, I say we should support the President of the United States and the U.S. Military and tell the liberal, tree-hugging, Birkenstock-wearing, hippy, tie-dyed liberals to go make their movies and music and whine somewhere else.

liberal,…, liberals - heh, heh, a bunch of name-calling. There’s nothing wrong with Birkenstocks except the price. Does she mean to say “movies and music and wine”?

After all, if they lived in Iraq, they wouldn’t be allowed the freedom of speech they’re being given here today. Ironically, they would be put to death at the hands of Sadam Hussein or Osama Bin Laden.

I love that one. Saddam or Osama would put them to death!! I didn’t know Osama was putting people to death in Iraq. Osama is from Saudi Arabia, lady! Saddam would have to bring them to Osama’s cave in Afghanistan first. There is no evidence that Osama even set foot in Iraq. Oh well, who needs evidence?

I want to know how the very people who are against war because of the loss of life, can possibly be the same people who are for abortion?

Hmm let’s see…anti-murder, pro choice. I guess they could be the same people. Hmm and that makes her pro war (pro murder), anti-abortion (let 15 year olds girls drop out of high school)?

They are the same people who are for animal rights but against the rights of the unborn.

What about the rights of unborn animals? What makes her think these people are all one-in-the-same? Hasn’t she ever studied elementary set theory? If I’m against gun control, does that make me pro gang warfare? Am I a good buddy of Charlton Heston if I shoot a gun?

The movie stars say they want to go to Iraq and serve as “human shields” for the Iraqis. I say let them buy a one-way ticket and go.

What movie stars said this? I never heard about it. OK let’s assume they did. Will they make it through the security lines at the U.S. airports in time?

No one likes war. I hate war!

(And I’m going to kill anyone who doesn’t agree with me!) It is the hate-mongers that have me worried.

But the one thing I hate more is the fact that this country has been forced into war;

That’s right. Osama held a gun to George Bush’s head and forced our aircraft carriers into the Persian Gulf. Saddam told the North Koreans to threaten to nuke their neighbors, including the west coast of the U.S., unless we send troops to Iraq.

innocent people have lost their lives - - and there but for the grace of God, it could have been my brother, my husband, or even worse my own son.

Sure a dead brother or husband is bad, but even worse it could have been her son! Is she willing to admit that some innocent Iraqis might be killed too? Meanwhile the guilty people are still running around. And some of them are in Washinton, D.C.!

On December 7, 1941, there are no records of movie stars treading the blazing waters of Pearl Harbor.

Last I checked, Hollywood isn’t near Hawaii.

On September 11, 2001; there are no photos of movie stars standing as “human shields” against the debris and bodies falling from the World Trade Center. There were only policemen and firemen - -underpaid civil servants who gave their all with nothing expected in return.

Is she saying the policeman and fireman were standing as human shields? But what good is being a human shield against falling debris and bodies? Who would you be shielding? The pavement?

When the USS Cole was bombed, there were no movie stars guarding the ship - - where were the human shields then?

Again with the human shields. Does she know what a human shield is?

If America’s movie stars want to be human shields, let them shield the gang-ridden streets of Los Angeles, or New York City, let them shield the lives of the children of North Birmingham whose mothers lay them down to sleep on the floor each night to shelter them from stray bullets.

Oh, now we have something to talk about. Why aren’t our soldiers at home getting rid of the gangs? Why not spend 75 billion on solving some problems right here in this country full of under-educated war mongers who mistake rhetoric for human thought? No let’s give a tax break to rich people instead. Hey aren’t many movie stars rich? And the guns the gangs use are often manufactured by the same people who supply weapons and ammo to our military. There’s money to be made.

If they want to be human shields, I say let them shield the men and women of honesty and integrity that epitomizes courage and embody the spirit of freedom by wearing the proud uniforms of the United States Military. Those are the people who have earned and deserve shielding!

epitomize - I see. So she thinks that movie stars should stand in front of our troops.

Throughout the course of history, this country has remained free, not because of movie stars and liberal activists, but because of brave men and women who hated war too.

Throughout the course of history! She means this country’s history, no? Were the dinosaurs free? When did history start for this woman? The “course of history” she’s talking about only started in 1776 with certain ideas, like the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and Bill of Rights. People can hate war all they want. It was dying for these liberal ideas that kept the country free. By the way, Iraq just happens to be where “the course” of written human history started. So let’s nuke it!

However, they lay down their lives so that we all may live in freedom. After all – “What greater love hath no man, that he lay down his life for his friend”, or in this case his country.

What BS. I don’t even think the quote is correct. Does anyone seriously believe that killing Saddam Hussein is necessary to guarantee American freedom. Oil maybe. Right now, most of the threats to freedom in this country come from our own government.

We should give our military honor and acknowledgment and not let their lives be in vain.

Yes, by not sending them to die for a shitty reason or no reason whatsoever. By not reducing their benefits while sending them to fight under-equipped.

If you want to see true human shields, walk through Arlington Cemetery. There lie human shields, heroes, and the BRAVE Americans who didn’t get on television and talk about being a human shield – they were human shields.

Sure, and they are spinning in their graves.

I thank God tonight for freedom - - those who bought and paid for it with their lives in the past - - those who will protect it in the present and defend it in the future.

I totally agree with that statement.

America has remained silent too long! God-fearing people have remained silent too long!

What rock has this woman been under?

We must lift our voices united in a humble prayer to God for guidance and the strength and courage to sustain us throughout whatever the future may hold.

While you’re at it pray to God for the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. And which God are we praying to? There are some people in the world who view this war as “Crusades - Part II”.

After the tragic events of Sept. 11th, my then eleven-year-old son said terrorism is a war against them and us and if you’re not one of us, then you’re one of them.

A war against them and us? Yes I am well aware that our country is run as if by an eleven year old. So if I disagree with her then I am a terrorist. What happened to the 1st amendment? Does it belong only to big corporate media now? Soldiers are dying now so that people like her and the Washington in-crowd can make me into a terrorist because I’m not one of them.

So in closing tonight, let us be of one accord,

In other words if you don’t agree then shut up.

let us stand proud, and let us be the human shields of prayer, encouragement and support for the President, our troops and their families and our country.

Our troops and their families will need our support when they come back. But the odds are that they will be treated like all the other veterans: trotted out one day a year and patted on the head; begging not to have their benefits taken away the other 364 days of the year.

May God bless America, the land of the free, the home of the brave

So she has seen some baseball.

and the greatest country on the face of this earth!

There’s the real reason why everybody’s so gung ho. We just want to make sure we’re number one. Go ahead, make my day, Osama! Wanna dance Saddam? We’re so tuff. Oooo! Pack of cigs rolled up in our t-shirts, oops, I forgot, cigs aren’t politically correct any more either.

So in closing today… Just remember, Beth Chapman, you’ve given the current crop of crooks in Washington your wallet and your car keys and you’ve even bent over for them too. I’d give anything to see the look on your face when you finally realize that you have taken it up the ass.